Today also it's been exactly 6 months that, after a stupid accident, my husband fell in a coma in my arms and with huge brain injuries that left him in what is called a vegetative state, where his basic functions work really well, but the rest doesn't. He breathes, he moves some parts of his body sometimes, he open his eye lids, he digests what's put in his feeding tube and his general health state is really good. But the doctors say that the parts of his brain that were affected make him unaware of himself and of the environment.
I can't even start describing what I've been feeling throughout these six months...what is it to mix in your head HOPE, SADNESS, DESPAIR, ANGER, FEAR, etc...feelings that change every 10 minutes of my life?
HOPE that he will come back by a miracle or by some new scientific research. I believe in God and that love can make miracles happen. I also believe that there may be someone who is studying a way to recover injured brains and hard as this is, I am trying to look for this research.
SADNESS to know that the chances of him waking up from this coma are almost zero and that even if he does, he will be a very debilitated and dependable person.
DESPAIR to come to the hospital every single day to stay with him, to see him alive and breathing and to not be able to do anything for him. Or when I start asking myself why couldn't we just have a family, somebody to love, somebody to loves us and maybe kids.
ANGER to think that he is tied to a health system that gives the best nursing care we could hope for, but on the other hand we are far from having anybody interested in trying anything to recover him. Anger to think that money comes into play if I wanted to transfer him to a hospital that has good research and is interested in at least trying something.
FEAR to not be near my support system. For those new to this story, before we got married, I used to live in another country (and I was born in yet another country), so I sold my apartment and quit my job to come live with him. And we never got there. Moreover, he is being treated in the city where he was born, so we are far from his friends (his support system) and far from my family and friends. His family is here, but that is a whole chapter by itself. Sufice it to say that I come from a different culture and I expected more from them, a big but innocent mistake from my part.
And FEAR of not knowing where my life is going, living this limbo and not knowing how to move on, if I should even move on, for how long should I keep my husband as priority in my life, and what to do since nothing around me (besides him) is familiar.
I still don't know the objective of this blog, if it's to keep friends and family updated about the pratical things or if it's to reach more people and let me vent about this drama. One thing I know, this is definitely a cry for help, specially if you know of a good research that can be done for him and people willing to help. Send your comments and this will help me format better his blog. Spread this to people that could be interested.
And thanks so much for your ears!!!
Beiba:
ReplyDeleteWe are all hanging in there with you! Even when we don't talk that often, you are always in our minds and prayers!
Beijoca e ligo amanhã, ok?
Love, Márcia
Indeed, many of us are keeping you two in our thoughts at all times. And counting the days to see you again!
ReplyDeleteTake care of both of you.
A.B.
Amore!
ReplyDeletePenso e rezo por vocês todos os dias pedindo para que aconteça aquilo que for o melhor, segundo a vontade do Universo.
Estarei sempre ao seu lado mesmo que a distância nos imponha limites.
Meu amor por você tem o tamanho das nosas vidas e carrega consigo toda nossa história de amizade.
Bjs,
Christiane.
I think this is a great idea in every way, Beiba. You are moving into a more active role, and writing about your troubles can be very therapeutic. Keep up the faith, but also look for something to do around where you live now - either a support group, or volunteering in something positive and fun, or perhaps a part-time or online job...
ReplyDeleteHugs
Beiba, I am here hoping and wishing for that miracle we all want for to have, I pray for him and you always and just so you know I am here for you if you ever need anything.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Carla
It doesn´t matter if you have not discovered why you have created this blog. The most important thing is that you feel everyone closer. I believe that writting always make us to feel better.
ReplyDeleteNever let to believe in God or a miracle.
I hope you find peace, the love exists in everywhere including dimensions unknown.
Beijos para vocês com carinho e muitas saudades.
Clicia
Primosa
ReplyDeleteTodos os dias, torço por um milagre. Que seja de vida, que seja de paz...
Você tem se revelado uma leoa, pela força e fidelidade (que a gente só costuma encontrar assim nos bichos). Outro motivo pra eu te admirar mais.
De longe, continue contando com a minha solidariedade, meu afeto, minhas melhores energias.
Beijo e amor,
Silvana
Cara,
ReplyDeleteFiquei sabendo de sua situação através de meu irmão.Para mim,a palavra chave é liberação.Todos nós seres humanos temos partes de nossos corpos que estão em estado de inércia e por isso,vegetativos. Mas vida é movimento,move-ment.Deus é vida em atividade, atividade consciente. Movimento de liberação consciente.As suas emoções em estado negativo só são um elemento a mais negativo. O movimento de luz se dá quando um está positivo e outro negativo.Neste caso, voce é quem deve estar pró-ativa. Para mim,o trabalho começa com voce,internamente,basicamente.Estás disposta e decidida a liberá-lo,sem importar se ele vai continuar aqui ou não? Se sim,pede com fé a teu Ser Divino por balanço e liberação e confia. Um abraço. Veronica.
de fato isto tudo ainda nos parece inacreditável, como uma estória de filme. Contudo, peço que lembre de nós e de sua família, pois com certeza boas vibrações são originadas do lado de cá, pricipalmente quando em nossas orações.
ReplyDeleteBeijos,
Lula e família