A great day

Being far from my friends, family and my husband's friends it's not an easy thing when all I do is stay with him at the hospital and nobody comes to visit. And for the past four days it's been like that, so my conversations have been pretty much with the nurses. They are all very nice, but they are busy too.

What started as another whole day at the hospital and with no visits ended up as a great day. Three very good friends of my husband came to see him and spent the day. As I said, we are in his hometown and almost 2 hours far from the city he lived for the past 25 years with his friends. So, as much as they want, it's always hard for them to come. But today, they came and they brought tons of decoration for his room, all kinds of things my husband would love to have around. And they brought beer and cheese that he would have loved too, but these two he could only feel the smell, not the taste. His food is basically a shake of vitamins and everything else he needs and he takes it straight through a feeding tube. Too sad, given that he LOVES to eat good food!

But today is not about complaining, it's about celebrating the visit of these great and talented people that little by little I'm getting to know and to love. And also to thank for the decoration, pictures and the veeeery colourful cover that they brought one behalf of another friend, who already became a good friend of mine!

This is good fuel for the soul, guys! Thanks! 

A sad day

Today it's been 6 months and 10 days that I've been married to the most generous, free-spirited, inteligent and talented person I couldn't even imagine existed! It happened in such a natural way that since the begining we knew we were each others' perfect complements. And this love contaminated our wedding guests to make our celebration a blessed one.

Today also it's been exactly 6 months that, after a stupid accident, my husband fell in a coma in my arms and with huge brain injuries that left him in what is called a vegetative state, where his basic functions work really well, but the rest doesn't. He breathes, he moves some parts of his body sometimes, he open his eye lids, he digests what's put in his feeding tube and his general health state is really good. But the doctors say that the parts of his brain that were affected make him unaware of himself and of the environment. 

I can't even start describing what I've been feeling throughout these six months...what is it to mix in your head HOPE, SADNESS, DESPAIR, ANGER, FEAR, etc...feelings that change every 10 minutes of my life? 

HOPE that he will come back by a miracle or by some new scientific research. I believe in God and that love can make miracles happen. I also believe that there may be someone who is studying a way to recover injured brains and hard as this is, I am trying to look for this research.  

SADNESS to know that the chances of him waking up from this coma are almost zero and that even if he does, he will be a very debilitated and dependable person. 

DESPAIR to come to the hospital every single day to stay with him, to see him alive and breathing and to not be able to do anything for him. Or when I start asking myself why couldn't we just have a family, somebody to love, somebody to loves us and maybe kids.

ANGER to think that he is tied to a health system that gives the best nursing care we could hope for, but on the other hand we are far from having anybody interested in trying anything to recover him.  Anger to think that money comes into play if I wanted to transfer him to a hospital that has good research and is interested in at least trying something. 

FEAR to not be near my support system. For those new to this story, before we got married, I used to live in another country (and I was born in yet another country), so I sold my apartment and quit my job to come live with him. And we never got there. Moreover, he is being treated in the city where he was born, so we are far from his friends (his support system) and far from my family and friends. His family is here, but that is a whole chapter by itself. Sufice it to say that I come from a different culture and I expected more from them, a big but innocent mistake from my part.  

And FEAR of not knowing where my life is going, living this limbo and not knowing how to move on, if I should even move on, for how long should I keep my husband as priority in my life, and what to do since nothing around me (besides him) is familiar. 

I still don't know the objective of this blog, if it's to keep friends and family updated about the pratical things or if it's to reach more people and let me vent about this drama. One thing I know, this is definitely a cry for help, specially if you know of a good research that can be done for him and people willing to help. Send your comments and this will help me format better his blog. Spread this to people that could be interested. 

And thanks so much for your ears!!!