Spooky news on a spooky day

It's been a while now that I have decided this. I waited till I had a conversation with the family and best friends of my husband about my decision before I posted this here. The bad episode my husband had in June, when I was far and the doctor called me thinking he was going to have a heart attack, served as some kind of training of what would I do if it happened again. Thank God nothing happened that day, but it was good in the sense that I was able to organize my ideas after going through that.

The doctors now have an order to let my husband go if he has a major complication. They are still obliged to call me and ask to confirm that I want to refuse treatment. In this case, they will assist for him to not suffer before he dies. Of course that all minor problems are being taken care of. Major complications can include a big heart problem, pulmonary embolism or pneumonia. All of these very unlikely to happen any time soon, given his state of health before the accident, his age and the very good hospital he is at.

I'd like to emphasize that refusing treatment is very different than euthanasia. In his case, euthanasia would consist of cutting his food and drink and basically watch him die of thirst and hunger. And this can take up to 2 weeks! The level of electrolytes goes way down and provokes a heart attack. That's what I remember someone telling me a long time ago. But for me, this is provoking someone's death by hunger and I'm NOT prepared for that.

Some people approached me with the idea that what he's living now is not good, it's a torture and that maybe it would be a good idea to cut his feeding tube. It's easy to say when it's not THEM signing a paper that would provoke the death of a loved person and it's not THEM having to live with this decision for the rest of their lives. So, NO, I'm not going to stop feeding my husband, even if this means both of us living hell of earth. It's too hard and too conflicting in my mind.

By all means, this is a place for people to send comments and questions and if you want to debate, please, add your comment, I'm very opened to talk about this.

How creative!

For those who know my husband, this is a painting he made probably when he was around 18 years old, at school of visual arts. It pretty much shows a lot of him there! A sophisticated clown, not necessarily the sad one, but with very good and intelligent sense of humor with a pinch of irony.

I'm back!

My sincere apologies to my very loyal half a dozen readers. It's not that I don't consider you, on the contrary, I don't want you to stop reading me and I want more people reading. But lack of motivation is something that is taking care of my life for a long time now.
But I'm back after a month, where I spent with my friends in the city I used to live before I got married. I lived there for 8, almost 9 years and made very good friends that love to see me when I go visit. Everything was ok with my husband, he kept very stable and well (well? well...), with no scares this time, thank God! As for me, I had tons of moments of happiness with my dear friends. Unfortunately they were just moments. And there is a huge difference between being a happy person and having moments of happiness. I guess that is one of the most difficult things for me to accept, given that I was very spoiled by having a good life and being happy up until my husband's accident.
I alternated moments of happiness with moments of guilt for having fun and having even forgotten my problems, my husband, for a while. And also, many times when I was having fun, I felt I was in the wrong place, cause what I really wanted was to be with him, alive and healthy, in our house. Thankfully my friends are good enough to understand my feelings and not become upset, since they were trying hard to cheer me up.
So, cheers to my friends who had patience and love for me! See you again next May!!