Vacation...and yet another anniversary

Today it's been one year that my husband's accident happened. At around 10pm it will be an exact year that I saw him fall in a coma in my arms and never talk or look at me again.This date only serves to show me how long I've been living without his hug. Oh, I miss so much talking to him or feeling him. It hurts so much that sometimes I get confused if this is really happening. Still this is very surreal for me and I'm stuck not accepting it happened. I just DON'T WANT to be in my side of this tragedy.

Although this is the anniversary, unfortunately it is not the only time I remember of it. Ever since this day, last year, every single day I go to sleep and I wake up with flashes of scenes of this day at the hospital. It's horrible and I wish there were some kind of lobotomy that could be done in me to forget all this.

Fortunately, I've decided that I should spend this day and some more time with my family. So I've travelled to my country to meet all them, and also my so loved friends. It's not as easy as everyone seems to think it is. I'm not spending the whole day in a hospital with tons of people with alzheimer and other problems. This time, I'm among people that have their lives moving on and I feel sometimes misplaced. I don't know what to be, what to feel! So, I'm trying to organize my feelings about all this. But even having to go through all this "adaptation", it's been good to be here and I will try to enjoy as much as I can, before I go back.

Sorry I didn't have time to think through how I would write this. There's tons of things in my mind and they are all disorganized, so it's hard to summarize for you in a short post. But this is it. Please, send some good vibes for my love today. Thanks!